Hanging in the deep stillness between the ground beneath that holds me.
Soothing firmness of a reality much larger than this.
And the raging storm of waves above me.
That threaten to drown every time I come up for air.
The infinite space that holds it all. The burning rage, exasperated longings and red hot loneliness. The soothing embraces of love, washingovers of gratitude and fires of (com) passion.
I know I cannot linger here forever. The biology of my making will force me up for air. Up there amidst the storm I may lose sight of underneath. My struggle will hold me, head just above the water, fighting for sight of dry land.
I'll forget time and time again that surrender is my only way of sinking back into peace.
Ah, but there is another way. Looking up from the depths I spot the silhouette of my surfboard.
Crawling on top I will paddle straight into the waves. Pushing my body and board through like a dolphin.
I'll turn, sit and listen. Connecting with the force of death to take me dancing.
At exactly the right moment I will join her, paddle as hard as my arms will allow, and stand.
Riding her strength, holding her tenderness.
Never losing sight of her. She is my guide. Not my feet or my board.
She will leave me, washed on the shore, face turned upwards laughing at the sky.
© 2019 Eveline van den Heuvel
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